Radio Silence

A lot has happened over the last few weeks. I haven't had any interest in writing until this morning, when I decided to just sit down to write. What happened of course is that I got distracted by the oh, thousand emails in my inbox (forgot to close Mail before leaving the computer weeks ago). And now here I am with about twenty minutes to write before I have to go upstairs and get ready.

So what is there to say? What's the big drama that's kept me from blogging for weeks on end? Part of me doesn't even want to rehash it all this morning. Part of me wants to pretend like everything is the same and bang out a funny blog post with no "real" content. And the other part of me wants to lay myself open like a map and show you all how I got from there to here.

I'll compromise. I'll give you this: All is not right with my world at present, and that's okay. I am physically well but emotionally bruised. There has been good news and not-so-good news. I'd be lying if I said I'm doing my best to deal with all of it, but after another perfectly-timed kick in the ass from Smith last night, I'm done with the sniveling pity party. A good portion of the mess I'm in is my own damn fault, and thus it's my own (damn) responsibility to claw my way out of it.

213.2

Ugh.

Too much:
1. Easter candy
2. Beer

Not enough:
1. Vegetables
2. Running

GPOYW - Unedited!

Craziness! 4.6.2010

So I'm finally okay with posting unedited pictures of myself. I don't do any editing that makes me look thinner, but I do usually tweak the exposure and crop things to make them, well, prettier. I've done nothing to the picture above, and I'm okay with that. It's not the most flattering shot, but it captures exactly what I wanted it to: I'M HAPPY. We (me and Hubs) were outside playing with the kiddo, who decided to fill up his watering can and douse me with lukewarm water from the rain barrel. It was a warm spring evening, almost feeling like summer, and I was outside with my family doing nothing but having fun.

Abandonment Issues

I have sad news, friends.

Smith is leaving. He has to transfer out of state for work, and that means that he and his adorable wife (also my dear friend) and his darling baby (also known as my future daughter-in-law) have to pack up and move. This is the nature of his job; it takes him everywhere. I knew this when we became friends, but I sort of tucked it away in the back of my mind, the possibility that he might have to go somewhere, someday.

I'm having a really hard time writing about this today. Maybe it's my Easter candy hangover, maybe it's hormones, maybe it's the fact that I just went back and re-read pretty much my whole blog. I don't know. We haven't been working out together regularly for a while -- with two jobs for me and ridiculous job demands for him, there hasn't really been time. But he's become one of my best friends, and I'm going to miss him.

I know that just because he's not going to be here in Virginia anymore doesn't mean he can't help me, or that he can't be my friend anymore. We're all grown ups, we have cell phones and Facebook pages and (yes, it still exists) snail mail. It just means he won't be HERE. So today I'm sad, and it's hard. It's hard because I'm thinking about how much Smith has helped me, not just with working out and weight loss but with my whole life. He helped me get motivated to get my massage certification done, to take better care of myself, to be a better person.

I don't want him to leave. I don't want his wife to leave. They are both so much a part of my life that I don't remember what it was like before we were friends (funny how that happens, isn't it?).

So today is hard, and there are tears. There's still weeks to go before the big move, plenty of time to be spent together, plenty of Taco Nights and beers on the back porch and haircuts and merciless teasing. Plenty of time, but not nearly enough.

210.4

I haven't been at this weight since just before Austin was born. Two and (almost) a half years ago.