186.4 & Hanging In There

Quite frankly, I'm astounded to have lost anything this week. My stress level was through the roof, and as a result I let my eating get out of control.

The biggest stressor -- losing my phone -- has been eliminated. While I didn't recover my old phone, my mom saved the day with an early anniversary/Mother's Day gift: a new iPhone 4. And thanks to some software magic, all but about a week's worth of my pictures were restored.

I also got an interesting phone call from a friend who needed some guidance. I have to say, it's kind of a new experience to have anyone ask me for help with a weight-related issue. She asked me how I stayed motivated, how I kept going. It's a simple question, but not a simple answer. As usual, I rambled and babbled, but hopefully gave her some of what she was looking for. Now that I've had a few days to ponder, I think I can reduce my babbles into a few more concise points.

So how do I do it? How do I stay motivated? Here's what works for me:

Accept the fact that sometimes, it's going to suck. Like, REALLY suck.
Losing weight, or getting in shape, or whatever it is you're trying to do? It's hard, friend. Some days are harder than others. So when it's hard, when what you really want to do is quit, just accept that it sucks. Get upset, get mad, cry, whatever. BUT DON'T STOP! Don't quit. Keep pushing through, and I promise, when you do, you'll look back at that suckage and think one of two things: a) it wasn't really so terrible, or b) DAMN, that sucked, but how kick-ass am I that I got through it?

Get it out in the open, ask for help, and accept help when it's offered.
No matter how strong we are, none of us can do this alone. And if you try to do it alone (like I did for a very long time), you'll most likely talk yourself out of the things you need to do most. Take it public, friends. Tell somebody, start a blog, post it on Facebook, whatever. You have to let the people in your life (or even just your virtual life) know what you're doing if you want their support. And believe me, YOU WANT THEIR SUPPORT. I couldn't do what I do every day if it weren't for my friends and my family. You'd be surprised how much a little love on your Facebook page can do for you, particularly on a down day. And when people try to help you, LET THEM. Don't let your pride get in the way, and don't live in fear of what they might think "if they knew." I'm going to let you in on a little secret -- the people in your life? They know you have a weight problem. It helped me tremendously to sort of "out myself" as a fat person, a closet eater, and someone who desperately needed to change. Once it's out there, it's a relief. Trust me.

Focus on the big picture.
These things take time. And there will be speed bumps, roadblocks, and traffic jams (bear with me, I ran out of transportation metaphors) along the way. My weight fluctuates from week to week, sometimes up and sometimes down, but when I look at the trend over the last six months or more, the overall trend is down. That keeps me going. It helps me to survive the minor setbacks, like gaining a pound after a week of being off plan. Don't be discouraged. Focus on your long-term goal, and look at the big picture. A narrow view does nothing for me except set off a cycle of obsessive, unproductive thought.

Do it for the right reasons.
In some ways, weight and my relationship with food is similar to addiction to alcohol or drugs. When people give up those substances, one of the things they're usually told during the recovery process is to do it for the right reasons. Giving up booze so your wife won't leave you? That doesn't work. So losing weight or changing your relationship with food so that someone will love you or be proud of you isn't going to work either. For your kids, for your family, to blow people away at your 20th high school reunion...those things can be good motivators in the short-term, but for the long haul, it has to be about you and only you. There is only one reason to do this: YOU.

Stop being so hard on yourself.
You have to let go of the cycle of self-abuse. Beating yourself up over poor choices (or even just less-than-perfect choices) does nothing but diminish your self-esteem. Having less self-esteem makes it easier to be even harder on yourself. And so it goes, on and on. You have to let go of it. I remember one of my favorite teachers of all time, Ms. Alley, telling me during orchestra rehearsals that if I was going to make a mistake (in this case, during a difficult section of some musical piece), make a really BIG one, and get over it. Because once you make that big mistake, it's out there, and it can't get any worse than that. You figure out what you did wrong, and you do better next time. Whether Bach or brownies, it makes no difference. Learn from your mistakes, maybe take some time to figure out why you made that choice in the first place, and then let it go. Move on.

It's transformation, not change. And it doesn't happen overnight.
We're bombarded with articles, infomercials, and TV shows that try to make us believe we can magically fix our weight problems with a special diet, a new gadget, or a stay on some ranch where we can work out with a celebrity trainer for six hours a day. They might call it reality TV, but it's not reality by any stretch of the imagination. The cold hard fact is that significant weight loss takes time, sometimes longer than you ever thought it would take. While it's possible to lose weight quickly, it's neither healthy nor likely to give you long-term success. I've lost 35 pounds in a month before by working my ass off and eating a truly frightening diet. That weight stayed off for maybe three months, and then it came back with a vengeance. And when it did, I felt awful. I felt like I had failed to change. Now I understand that this isn't a change, it's a transformation. I'm not suddenly changing into a different person; I'm learning and growing and transforming. Think about the caterpillar/butterfly scenario. The caterpillar doesn't just wake up one day and say, "Hey! I'm going to be a butterfly today," strap on some wings and fly away. Not at all. He has to prepare; he eats, he finds a good spot for his cocoon. Then he gets all snuggly and over a period of time, he becomes a better, more evolved version of himself. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be someone different; I want to be a better version of myself.

As always, this is what works for me. It may or may not work for you, or resonate with you. I can only hope that you can take something from this, maybe one little thought that helps you get through your day. Thanks for reading -- knowing I'm actually writing for real people and not just the black void of the internet helps me more than you know.