You're Pushing Maximum Density

In my first post here, I mentioned that my current weight was only three pounds shy of my "highest recorded weight." That'd be the 239 pounds I reached a few months back. I wrote it on a Post-It note and stuck it on my computer monitor. 

I couldn't stop looking at it. 239. Closer to 250 than 225. The weight of a pro-football player a foot taller than me. 80 bags of bananas from BJ's. Two...thirty...nine. Ugh.

Needless to say, the Post-It got crumpled up and tossed in my trash can. Angrily. Fuck you, 239. My scale's broken, that can't be right. I don't weigh that much! Look at me. I look FINE. And I just had a baby, for Pete's sake!

But wait. My scale's not broken. It is right. I do weigh that much, I don't look fine, and that baby? Well, he's almost two.

There's no more time for excuses. My current weight puts my BMI over 40, which is very, very scary. Scary because I've been in denial of it for so long, and also scary because I know all about the health complications that occur when you're "morbidly obese." This is why I have to change, and I have to change NOW.