GPOYW: Progress

Let's go back in time today. Back to just over a year ago. What did July of 2009 look like?

Oh yeah...fat.


I look happy, but I was so miserable. I felt awful in the outfit I had on, and I felt even worse when I saw the pictures that showed just how fat I looked. This was my wake-up call picture.

So what does July of 2010 look like? Well, it's a heck of a lot different, kiddos:


What a difference thirty pounds makes. Go me!

RIP Heidi Montag

Cue the triumphant music, bitches.

Remember that checklist of medical issues I wrote a while back? Well, I'm super stoked to tell you that ALL of those issues are resolved. For realsies. Fred the Face Lump -- GONE. My knee -- still hurts from time to time but the orthopedist found no problems. And most importantly, my own personal pain in the ass, Heidi Montag, is DEAD AND GONE.

(Before people start wigging out and zipping over to People.com for confirmation, I have to clarify: I gave my gall bladder a nickname.)

This past Friday, my wonderful and trusted surgeon (Doc Basil) put some dime-sized holes in my abdomen and fished out my stone-filled and pain-inducing gall bladder. While he was in there, he also checked my mystery lump and found it to be (as he suspected) a pocket of fluid. And as if that were not enough, he discovered the cause of those debilitating pains I had back in September -- the surgical mesh used to repair my incisional hernia had SLIPPED as the area healed. Super fun, huh? At least now I know it wasn't all in my head.

Anyway, so here I am four days out from surgery, and I feel pretty much awesome. The only ookie part of this whole ordeal is that the fluid pocket thingy is still draining. What that means is every couple of hours I have to swap out a big wad of gauze pads that are taped to my belly. Gross, yes, but it's a hell of a lot better than having some mystery lump staring back up at me.

The physical stuff is straightforward, but there's also been an emotional change that I can hardly wrap my brain around. The best way to describe it is to say that it's as if somebody lit a bonfire under my ass. I have never, and I do mean NEVER, felt so motivated to get things done in my entire life. I'm not talking about housekeeping, or writing, or just scratching things off the To Do list. I'm talking about making all the changes that I've been talking about and dreaming about for years. I'm talking about having concrete plans for work, exercise, family, and travel. I'm talking about looking at those goals that seemed unattainable and KNOWING, not just thinking but KNOWING, that they are attainable. I feel inspired, ambitious, passionate, and excited about my life. And man OH man, is it a good feeling.

So what are these things that I'm so excited to tackle?

• I'm finally, finally, FINALLY taking the NCE and getting my license to practice massage therapy. I've sent in all my paperwork, scheduled a test prep class, and now I'm just waiting for a test date.
• I've decided that after the NCE, I'm going to finish my Associate's Degree. I looked over some of my school paperwork, and I'm actually much closer to being done than I thought I was. I'm scheduling an appointment with an admissions/advisory person at the local community college before the end of March.
• After the Associate's is done, I'm considering going to esthetics school. It's a 600 hour program, and it would cost a good chunk of change, but being both a CMT and a licensed esthetician would make it extremely easy for me to either a) get a full-time position at a spa or b) start my OWN business, which is really what I'm more interested in.
• FITNESS! I had a fantastic workout with Smith on the Wednesday before my surgery. It felt so good, and it was exactly what I needed. He gave me a serious kick in the booty along with some great words of motivation (I'll be writing more about those later).

This is my year, kids. This is the year we're going to make it all happen. Let's GO!

Wet-Shoe Shuffle

I did my first 5K yesterday. Holy SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!

When I woke up, it was freezing cold, wet, raining, the works. Imagine the worst possible running weather, and this was pretty much it. Part of me started screaming, "You're NOT doing this, not in this weather! No way! Stay home and warm and dry with your boys!"

So I texted my pal Peggy, the fantastic friend who encouraged me to sign up in the first place, and asked if we were really going to do this today. She of course said, "Yep!" (Peggy is a comittment-aholic, she never gives up on ANYTHING!) She told me she wouldn't be upset if I didn't want to run. But I said, "Nope, I'm going to be there. I'm doing it."

We met up at Webb Center and got our numbers and time chips, and had plenty of time left to sit and chat before the race. I had some butterflies, but I thought, "The hard part's over -- you showed up!"

When we lined up for the start, we went to the back of the pack. We sized up our fellow runners -- pregnant chick, lots of teenagers, several people with baby joggers, and one lady who looked like she was about 100 years old. I told Peg that we had to at least finish ahead of the pregnant chick. Peg reminded me that it didn't matter, that all we had to do was finish, and that she was going to be right there with me the whole time (HELLO, THANKS FOR MAKING ME WANT TO CRY, FRIEND!).

I started out pretty strong, despite the fact that my knee was still killing me (more on that later). I'd guess we ran about a quarter mile before I really needed to slow down for a bit. And that's how we did the whole run -- jogged a bit, walked a bit. I can't believe how much fun we had. Peg sang ridiculous songs (she had her MP3 player going, I'd forgotten mine) like "I Like Big Butts" and "Lunchlady Land." She pointed out that I was laughing and talking...WHILE RUNNING. She stuck with me the whole way, even when there was a crazy guy standing in the middle of the sidewalk giving a vocal performance that sounded like a drowning Siamese cat.

We finished together in about 50 minutes. Not super speedy, but I think it's a respectable time. I wanted to finish, and to finish in under an hour, and I did both. Yay! We didn't beat the pregnant chick, or the grandma, or the folks with baby joggers, but we FINISHED.

After the race we were both cold, wet, and tired. Peg headed to Starbucks, and I headed home, where I promptly fell dead asleep while snuggled up with the Kid.

This morning, I feel really accomplished. Running in public is one of my silly phobias, and I overcame it (albeit briefly) to run in full view of an entire college campus and a major roadway, as well as about 100 "real" runners. It's given me a good kick in the pants, and a good boost to how I'm feeling about myself. I'm getting back in the swing of things, and I want to tackle another 5K in the spring.

In less super-yay news, my knee is getting really, really bad. It's a hard feeling to describe, but essentially it feels like there's a piece of something crunchy wedged between my patella (knee cap) and my tibia (leg bone). When I walk or run uphill, there's a loud popping noise. When I run at all, I feel a sharp stabby feeling at the site of the crunchy bit (wow, check out THAT medical terminology). I think I may have to head to the doc before long and get it checked out. I'm dreading the thought of possibly needing knee surgery, but if that's what I have to do, then I'll do it. Right now, though, I'm just pushing forward as best I can.

Whoa.

I just realized that if you go from my highest blogged weight, 240.4 (August 24, 2009), I've lost eighteen pounds exactly. Eighteen pounds in just about three months. And I've really only been working out hard for about six weeks.

This makes me so excited to see more results as the weeks go by. I know I'm not going to backslide again -- I'm determined, at the bare minimum, to maintain my current loss. I'm NOT going to gain again over the holidays. I'm just not. I can't go backwards anymore. I can't "start over" again and again and again anymore.

I feel so determined today. I feel resolved. I feel like I could kick some serious ass. Who put Chuck Norris in my coffee?!

The Proof is in the...Pants?

At work the other day, I kept feeling something funny on my backside. I couldn't figure out what it was. It was a sort of tickle-y, swishy feeling -- really hard to describe. Then it dawned on me that what I was feeling was my back pockets rubbing against my (baggy) underpants. Do you know how long it's been since my pants were loose enough for that to happen? Oh, just about FOREVER. Usually, the pockets are squeezed so tight against my butt that I can't put anything in them. Now, I have swishy-pants.

As if that weren't enough good news, check THIS out. I was rummaging through my dresser yesterday, trying to find something to wear. At the bottom of my pants drawer were two pairs of size 16 jeans I'd ordered a few months ago. They didn't fit when I got them, but I put them aside and thought maybe I'd get into them by my birthday (January).

Since I had a little extra time, I decided to try them on. And guess what?

THEY FIT.

Now, I still have some serious muffin-top action going on, just from all the skin and pudge on my upper abdomen. But these jeans, they FIT. Like, I don't have to lay down on the floor to zip them. This means I'm down TWO SIZES since I started working out in earnest. TWO SIZES.

These two little things make me feel so motivated! I did a really long workout this morning (thank you, Hubs, for giving me the time to sleep in AND work out interrupted) and it felt awesome. I did 3.2 miles on the treadmill (mostly walking, but fast walking!) and then did weights (back & shoulders, legs) and abs (ohhhhhhhhhhhhh not fun). I wish I could do that kind of workout every day.

In other news...my left knee is still bothering me. It feels sort of like there's little elves jamming a big screwdriver under my patella and trying to wedge it out of place. This knee's been wobbly since my first and only skiing experience, wherein I twisted it about 90 degrees in the wrong direction. But until this past week of running, it hasn't bothered me. I think the impact of my 200+ pounds slamming down on it might be a little much for it to handle right now. I'm NOT worrying about it, though -- I can still walk, I can still lift -- and I'm NOT using it as an excuse to give up or back out of my 5K.

So HOORAY for progress and swishy-pants! Hooray for staying motivated! Hooray hooray HOORAY!

Saggy

I don't think I've actually dropped a size yet, but my pants are definitely fitting more loosely than before. It's great, except for the "Hey! I just pooped in my drawers!" look that I get in the back. I don't have one of those fantastic sticky-out butts; mine, as my friend Nathan once said, is a Montana Ass: wide and flat.

Other than that...not much to report. I'm still feeling good, despite not being able to exercise. I'm meeting with my surgeon tomorrow; hopefully he'll schedule my operation soon so I can get all of this over with.

Shoegazer

I was feeling a little funky this morning, so I decided to try on my old "feel good" shoes. I haven't been able to wear these since before I got pregnant (early 2007). Pregnancy made my feet swell to inhuman proportions, and unfortunately they stayed that size thanks to my weight gain. I didn't think I'd be able to get into them; I braced myself for disappointment.

But, lo and behold!

That's right. THEY FIT. AND THEY FIT WELL. No pinching, no rubbing, no "O dear lord why did I wear THESE today?"

My mood's been lifted ever since. Woo hoo!