Weekly Habit

I'm finding myself severely lacking in the motivation department this week. I have a few ideas for things I could change this week (cut out sugar, increase veggie consumption, etc.) but I haven't done anything different so far. All I really want to do is lay on the couch like a blob and do nothing.

I don't want to give up. I can't give up. I won't give up.

Maybe that's all I can do this week -- don't give up.

Weekly Habit

Adios, mah vino.

Yep. This week, alcohol goes bye-bye. I'm not a heavy drinker, but I've been blowing a lot of calories on beers and glasses of wine here and there. I had my last taste when we went out for Thai food; I washed down my dinner with a cold n' delicious Asahi. At some point I'll phase it back in as a treat. Until then, though, I'm as dry as can be.

Weekly Habit

I had a bit of a meltdown when we met with Smith last night. He came by to go over our food journals and to talk to Hubs about his workouts, supplements, and all that good stuff. I sat in on their conversation and made an ass of myself by getting upset. I felt like I was being accused of sabotaging Hubs again, because he ate crap for lunch at work on days when I didn't pack the meal for him. So of course, I cried. I'm not sure what reaction I thought that would get, but I wasn't expecting what Smith did.

He put me in time out.

Seriously. He made me leave the room until he was finished with Hubs. I stomped to my office and sat their crying for a good ten minutes, kind of feeling sorry for myself. I felt guilt, and anger, and sadness, and frustration. I cried. I played some John Mayer.

Then Smith knocked on the door. He came in and sat down, and before he said anything, he gave me a hug. (Anyone want to guess what happens when you hug a tearful Fattie? Yeah. More tears.) We talked for a while about what's going on with me. He knows I'm depressed, and he wants me to work on that during this (totally frustrating and annoying) physical down-time. I agree with him -- I am depressed, and if I don't fix that first, any weight loss or physical change that I make happen won't stick.

Poor Smith -- he thought this was going to be a personal training gig, and now here he is being my therapist.

So, that's how we chose this week's habit: Do something creative - EVERY DAY. And ask for what I need, like, you know, HELP.

Weekly Habit

Smith went through my food journal on Saturday and pretty much decided this week's habit for me: Eat smaller, lighter meals, and eat consistently from day to day.

He told me that my eating is "all over the place." One day, I have a good solid three meals, and then the next day, it's an Odwalla bar and espresso until dinner time. Not good. So, since Saturday, I've been having oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, salad with chicken for lunch, and a balanced dinner. It's made a big difference so far -- I don't feel like I'm on the starving/full roller coaster.

Something else I've noticed is that my skin is starting to clear up a little. I've never had acne, or even what I'd call "bad" skin, but I do get the occasional chin or nose tumor. I think it's a combination of increased water intake and then sweating on a regular basis. (And I got one of those Neutrogena Wave thingies, but that's a whole 'nother post.)

Habit

This week's habit: Run a half mile, twice a day.

I started this on Sunday, and so far I've done it every day. Well, except for yesterday -- I let the day get away from me, and ended up trying to do both runs after dinner. It didn't go too well. I was tired, and my dinner was sloshing around in my stomach. Bleh! This morning's run wasn't too great either. I felt like there were big bricks where my calves should be. But I did it, I did my half mile.

Afterwards, while I was fixing breakfast for everybody, I got into a spat with the Hubs. I don't really even know why, but I do know that as I got more and more frustrated with him, all I wanted to do was go get back on the treadmill. I guess the whole "run it out" thing is starting to take hold.

Habit

This week's habit: Hope.

My friend JoAnna left a really sweet comment on my Facebook page the other day:

Jenny, you are a beautiful person. I keep up with this blog, and you are very hard on yourself. I know you think that you have to be. I have been there. Last year, I weighed 240 lbs. I am by no means where I want to be now, but I have lost 70 lbs. It is habit. A very hard habit to break. I know you can do it, God knows if I can, anyone can... If the hubs brings home junk food, tell him not to. Don't buy cookies and chips, trust me, if they were in the house, I would have eaten them. It is a habit now for me not to want them, and I don't crave them anymore. You can do it Jenny. If you want, we can do it together.

The part that jumped out at me was the second line: "...and you are very hard on yourself." I think that's true. I've used self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism for so long, I almost don't know how to stop. I learned a long time ago that if I crack a joke about myself first, then when others joke on me, it doesn't hurt (as much). Kind of a Cyrano complex, I guess.

Anyway, this week I'm working on my attitude. That's a habit, just like drinking water or eating breakfast. I am staying positive, throwing the negativity out the window, and keeping the little stew-pot of hope bubbling on the stove.

Habit

This week's habit: Eat breakfast before 10 AM.

I don't usually eat breakfast. If you have a toddler, or a work schedule that's different every week, you understand. (I have both.)

If I work during the week, I'm at my store by 4:45 AM. My only interest at that hour of the day is in a big cup of something hot, caffeinated, and preferably tasting of vanilla. I get a ten minute break during my shift, and if I eat anything, it's something loaded with fat and/or sugar from our pastry case. Do we have healthier options? Yes. Do I eat them? No.

By the time my husband comes to the store at 8:45, all I want to do is get my son and go home. And when we get home, I nap while the Kid naps, or work on my computer (read: play stupid, time-wasting games on Facebook), or clean, or watch TV. Before I know it, it's lunch time, and I haven't eaten anything. I'm starving. So I scarf down whatever's nearby, or worse yet, make a run to the store and eat what I've bought on the way home.

I'm hoping that a solid breakfast (like oatmeal and fruit, or Greek yogurt, which O MY GOD WHY DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER?) will keep me from going food-crazy at lunchtime, which in turn will keep me from overdoing it at dinner time. We'll see what the scale says next Monday.

Habit

I've tried many, many times to lose weight, using just about every program or gimmick out there. I was most successful with Weight Watchers -- you know, where you go pay $15 a week to be told the same thing your mom's been telling you for fifteen years? Eat less. Exercise more.

I usually fail because I try to tackle too much at once, trying to adhere to a tremendous list of new rules and regulations. Like, let's start the South Beach diet AND a five-times-a-week workout program AND give up caffeine, all at the same time. A few days in, I end up at 7-11 at two in the morning, arms full of Twix, Grandma Utz's Potato Chips, and Red Bull. It's not pretty.

This time, I've decided to incorporate one simple habit every week. Something not-too-dramatic, easy to track, and not such a shock to my system. I wish I could say that the "habit a week" thing was my idea, but there's many folks who have used it as part of a bigger system or plan (the book "Simple Steps" comes to mind).

Water is my habit this week. Since this past Monday, my goal has been to drink at least 64 ounces of water a day. Recently, I'd fallen back into my old diet soda and coffee routine, so this seemed like a good place to start. So far, I've done it. I don't feel terribly different yet, but I have been sleeping a little better, and my mouth doesn't feel like the Sahara when I wake up in the morning. I know from my past experience with Weight Watchers and other programs that encourage you to stay hydrated that I could potentially lose about eight pounds of water weight this way. I'm trying not to focus on that, though. Instead, I'm thinking about how good the water is for me, how my body needs it, my skin needs it, especially on these painfully hot summer days.

Is it sad that my Foodie comes out even with water? I'm unbelievably picky about my water. My favorite is the Hawaiian brand bottled stuff, but I can't seem to find that anywhere here on the mainland. Second is Fiji, but it's too expensive. SmartWater takes third place, and Dasani is a weak fourth.

I'm on a shoestring budget right now, though, so what do I have? Nestle Pure Life. The cheapest stuff I could find at BJ's. It's alright...but I can't drink it cold, it has to be room temp or (my oh-so-clear term) "kinda coolish." Option B is the filtered water from my fridge, which (to me) is only drinkable with a good squirt of lemon. I've been alternating between the two, trying to limit the lemon for the sake of my tooth enamel.

That's probably more about my water preferences than anyone needed or wanted to know. Whew.

Anyway, I'll be weighing myself and starting another habit next Monday, so stay tuned!