RIP Heidi Montag

Cue the triumphant music, bitches.

Remember that checklist of medical issues I wrote a while back? Well, I'm super stoked to tell you that ALL of those issues are resolved. For realsies. Fred the Face Lump -- GONE. My knee -- still hurts from time to time but the orthopedist found no problems. And most importantly, my own personal pain in the ass, Heidi Montag, is DEAD AND GONE.

(Before people start wigging out and zipping over to People.com for confirmation, I have to clarify: I gave my gall bladder a nickname.)

This past Friday, my wonderful and trusted surgeon (Doc Basil) put some dime-sized holes in my abdomen and fished out my stone-filled and pain-inducing gall bladder. While he was in there, he also checked my mystery lump and found it to be (as he suspected) a pocket of fluid. And as if that were not enough, he discovered the cause of those debilitating pains I had back in September -- the surgical mesh used to repair my incisional hernia had SLIPPED as the area healed. Super fun, huh? At least now I know it wasn't all in my head.

Anyway, so here I am four days out from surgery, and I feel pretty much awesome. The only ookie part of this whole ordeal is that the fluid pocket thingy is still draining. What that means is every couple of hours I have to swap out a big wad of gauze pads that are taped to my belly. Gross, yes, but it's a hell of a lot better than having some mystery lump staring back up at me.

The physical stuff is straightforward, but there's also been an emotional change that I can hardly wrap my brain around. The best way to describe it is to say that it's as if somebody lit a bonfire under my ass. I have never, and I do mean NEVER, felt so motivated to get things done in my entire life. I'm not talking about housekeeping, or writing, or just scratching things off the To Do list. I'm talking about making all the changes that I've been talking about and dreaming about for years. I'm talking about having concrete plans for work, exercise, family, and travel. I'm talking about looking at those goals that seemed unattainable and KNOWING, not just thinking but KNOWING, that they are attainable. I feel inspired, ambitious, passionate, and excited about my life. And man OH man, is it a good feeling.

So what are these things that I'm so excited to tackle?

• I'm finally, finally, FINALLY taking the NCE and getting my license to practice massage therapy. I've sent in all my paperwork, scheduled a test prep class, and now I'm just waiting for a test date.
• I've decided that after the NCE, I'm going to finish my Associate's Degree. I looked over some of my school paperwork, and I'm actually much closer to being done than I thought I was. I'm scheduling an appointment with an admissions/advisory person at the local community college before the end of March.
• After the Associate's is done, I'm considering going to esthetics school. It's a 600 hour program, and it would cost a good chunk of change, but being both a CMT and a licensed esthetician would make it extremely easy for me to either a) get a full-time position at a spa or b) start my OWN business, which is really what I'm more interested in.
• FITNESS! I had a fantastic workout with Smith on the Wednesday before my surgery. It felt so good, and it was exactly what I needed. He gave me a serious kick in the booty along with some great words of motivation (I'll be writing more about those later).

This is my year, kids. This is the year we're going to make it all happen. Let's GO!