Smith Layeth the Smacketh Down

I will not be going back to Weight Watchers. Why? Well, to put it simply, Smith said no. Now, before everybody gets all hinky about me taking orders from my trainer, let me just say this:

LISTENING TO SMITH WORKS.

What have I accomplished since he started working with me? Let's do a quick inventory.

1. I've lost close to thirty pounds.

2. I feel better about myself than I have in a really, really long time.

3. I am no longer beating myself up on a daily basis for the things I can or can't do.

4. I pay attention to what I eat without obsessing about it.

5. I have learned that I DO have time to work out, every day.

6. I DID A MOTHEREFFING 5K, something I didn't think I'd be able to do for at least a year.

Smith made some good points (ha! points!) about Weight Watchers without really dissing the program. His biggest concern was the cost -- he knows I'm broke, and he knows there are other things I should be putting my money towards (NCE fees, ahem). He acknowledged that he's been busy, and told me now that he's used to his new work schedule, we'll get back on track with workout sessions. He knows that I need the one on one time to stay motivated.

He also gave me a swift kick in the butt because he knows I've been slacking. I whined about my medical stuff, and he told me he was going to bring me some Advil for my knee, and a straw to SUCK IT THE HELL UP. Heh. Man, I needed to hear that.

So it's back to the grind -- treadmill, food management, weights, supplements. Woo hoo!

Pondering

I've spent the morning tooting around on the Weight Watchers website. I'm seriously considering rejoining, having been very successful with my two previous experiences. I have some other reasons for joining -- I need support, Smith is uber busy with work (and a new baby who should be arriving any second now!), I need to track my food better and WW has a tool for my Blackberry that will let me do just that.

The down side is, of course, the cost. If I sign up for the Monthly Pass, I get unlimited meetings and use of their eTools (which are pretty kick-ass). It's $39.95 a month. That may not sound like much, but it is to me. We've spent the last year cutting our monthly bills down as much as possible in order to pay off a seemingly endless pile of debt.

So, I made a decision. I'm going to use the tips I earn at work to pay for the monthly pass. It'll take me about two weeks' worth to get started, and that'll be that. I'm gonna do it. (I'm also hoping that my pal Peggy will sign up and do this with me, but that's up to her.)

Thanks to BitchCakes for her super inspiring blog that got me thinking about Weight Watchers again!

Let's Get It Done

I spent an hour at my doctor's office this morning. (Of course, of those sixty minutes, only twenty were actually spent in her presence.). I had a list of issues for her -- facial cyst, gall bladder, recurrent mystery bulge, and my knee. She patiently listened as I explained each thing, then she did a few quick assessments. Three prescriptions and three referrals later, and I'm not fixed yet.

So what's on deck for 2010 so far?

• I'm seeing a plastic surgeon about the facial cyst. Since I've lost weight, it's far more noticeable (to the point that someone asked "What IS that?!" on meeting me for the first time), and I want it gone. My regular surgeon could have taken care of it, but as my doc said, "You probably don't want that type of surgeon cutting on your face." Hopefully, they'll be able to hack it out without putting me under, and I'll be in and out in one visit. Hopefully.
• I'm going to an orthopedic surgeon to get my knee assessed. I'm guessing that he'll poke at it, and then order an MRI. So, more waiting, and more tests for which I'll have to shell out hefty co-pays.
• I'm heading back to my regular surgeon who'll decide if my gall bladder needs to come out (again, probably more expensive tests and waiting). If it does, then he can take a peek at the mystery bulge while he's poking around in my belly. If there's something to fix, he'll fix it.

Oh! And according to the doc's scale, I've only gained back four pounds, which really isn't too bad in my opinion. She was really pleased with my overall loss, and about peed her pants with excitement when I told her I did a 5k and had enlisted the help of a trainer. She says she'll do whatever she can to help me get all this mess resolved so I can get back on track with exercise.

I'm trying to keep my food under control, but the gall bladder stuff is making it difficult to eat. About twenty minutes after I eat anything, I either feel a) pukey or b) agony. I can take meds for either, but only when the Hubs is home, since both drugs result in serious loopiness and/or coma-like sleep.

Anyhoo, that's about it for now. Waiting, painkillers, and more waiting. I hope your 2010 has started off on the right foot!

219

219. A bar from which I was once forcibly ejected with a painter named Dwight Easter. Also? My weight as of this morning. Response to both situations: ABSOLUTE SHOCK.

I've taken the last two weeks totally off from exercising. As I mentioned in my last post, my knee has been bothering me more and more, and finally I just decided to put the brakes on and give myself a good solid rest. I've been enjoying it -- sleeping past 3 AM is nice, for sure. But in the back of my mind was a little nagging voice saying, "You're going to gain it all baaaaaaaaaack!" I wasn't going crazy with food, but I definitely didn't stick to the plan Smith gave me. (There was a little incident with cream cheese frosting, too.)

So when I hopped on the scale this morning, my jaw dropped. 219?! What the HELL?! I moved the scale three times just to make sure it was on a good, level spot. Yep, still 219. Wow.

Two things occurred to me. First, I realized that my worst food days over the last two weeks don't even come close to my "bad" days from before. I'm not eating donuts, whole pizzas, soda, or other crap like I used to. And the things I did indulge in were (mostly) homemade, meaning they weren't full of preservatives, sodium, nitrates, or any other garbage.

The second thing I realized (for the millionth time) is that I have to stop being so hard on myself. All these changes I'm making are going to take time to sink in. And really, it is always going to be a battle for me. Always. There will never be a magical day where I wake up and never want to eat anything but lean protein and vegetables, a day where I want to exercise for a million hours and have a huge grin on my face the whole time. It's always going to suck a little teeny bit. Have I learned that I feel MUCH BETTER when I eat right and exercise? Absolutely! But I'm also coming to accept that there are things I like that aren't super healthy, and that's okay. It's okay to have a slice of pizza, a cupcake, a glass of wine. I just can't do it every meal, every day.

Anyhoo...my posting has been (and may continue to be, at least for a little while) sporadic, mostly because of holiday craziness. I've also changed my weigh-in day to Friday, simply because a good loss will a) give me something to be happy about over the weekend and b) keep me from over-doing it on the two days a week that I do most of my socializing.

I've also found two fantastic weight loss blogs that you HAVE to check out. The first, Escape from Obesity, is really well-written, and full of fantastic insights. I find myself nodding and saying "YES!" almost every time I read it. Then there's Bitchcakes, which has great Weight Watchers info. Plus, the writer is gorgeous and an amazing photographer (her pictures of NYC make me want to move there. For reals.). So if you need something to read and you're not finding it here, go check those two ladies out!

Hope your holidays are rolling along smoothly...I'll post again soon!

Holding Pattern

Yes, my knee still hurts, but not badly enough to stop me from running. So what's stopping me?

Honestly, I am just really, really, REALLY goddang tired. This has hit me out of the blue. I almost feel like I'm getting a cold, but it never comes. I'm still keeping my food under control (for the most part) but I've been listening to my body and sleeping when it demands.

This isn't the kind of sleeping that shows up when I get really depressed -- you know, where I crawl into bed and don't come out for three days? I mean, I CAN'T sleep like that, I have a job and house and a kid, for Pete's sake, but even if I could, that's not what I want to do. I'm staying active almost all day, but when I crawl into bed at night, sleep comes so quickly that I don't even have time to take my glasses off.

Maybe I really am getting sick? Dunno. Maybe weeks of all kinds of activity (holiday and otherwise) have caught up with me? Dunno. What I do know is that, as per usual, I'm just going to go with the flow. 'Cause quite frankly, I'm too tired to fight it.

224.4

It's a small loss, but it's a loss! And I'll take it!

Wet-Shoe Shuffle

I did my first 5K yesterday. Holy SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!

When I woke up, it was freezing cold, wet, raining, the works. Imagine the worst possible running weather, and this was pretty much it. Part of me started screaming, "You're NOT doing this, not in this weather! No way! Stay home and warm and dry with your boys!"

So I texted my pal Peggy, the fantastic friend who encouraged me to sign up in the first place, and asked if we were really going to do this today. She of course said, "Yep!" (Peggy is a comittment-aholic, she never gives up on ANYTHING!) She told me she wouldn't be upset if I didn't want to run. But I said, "Nope, I'm going to be there. I'm doing it."

We met up at Webb Center and got our numbers and time chips, and had plenty of time left to sit and chat before the race. I had some butterflies, but I thought, "The hard part's over -- you showed up!"

When we lined up for the start, we went to the back of the pack. We sized up our fellow runners -- pregnant chick, lots of teenagers, several people with baby joggers, and one lady who looked like she was about 100 years old. I told Peg that we had to at least finish ahead of the pregnant chick. Peg reminded me that it didn't matter, that all we had to do was finish, and that she was going to be right there with me the whole time (HELLO, THANKS FOR MAKING ME WANT TO CRY, FRIEND!).

I started out pretty strong, despite the fact that my knee was still killing me (more on that later). I'd guess we ran about a quarter mile before I really needed to slow down for a bit. And that's how we did the whole run -- jogged a bit, walked a bit. I can't believe how much fun we had. Peg sang ridiculous songs (she had her MP3 player going, I'd forgotten mine) like "I Like Big Butts" and "Lunchlady Land." She pointed out that I was laughing and talking...WHILE RUNNING. She stuck with me the whole way, even when there was a crazy guy standing in the middle of the sidewalk giving a vocal performance that sounded like a drowning Siamese cat.

We finished together in about 50 minutes. Not super speedy, but I think it's a respectable time. I wanted to finish, and to finish in under an hour, and I did both. Yay! We didn't beat the pregnant chick, or the grandma, or the folks with baby joggers, but we FINISHED.

After the race we were both cold, wet, and tired. Peg headed to Starbucks, and I headed home, where I promptly fell dead asleep while snuggled up with the Kid.

This morning, I feel really accomplished. Running in public is one of my silly phobias, and I overcame it (albeit briefly) to run in full view of an entire college campus and a major roadway, as well as about 100 "real" runners. It's given me a good kick in the pants, and a good boost to how I'm feeling about myself. I'm getting back in the swing of things, and I want to tackle another 5K in the spring.

In less super-yay news, my knee is getting really, really bad. It's a hard feeling to describe, but essentially it feels like there's a piece of something crunchy wedged between my patella (knee cap) and my tibia (leg bone). When I walk or run uphill, there's a loud popping noise. When I run at all, I feel a sharp stabby feeling at the site of the crunchy bit (wow, check out THAT medical terminology). I think I may have to head to the doc before long and get it checked out. I'm dreading the thought of possibly needing knee surgery, but if that's what I have to do, then I'll do it. Right now, though, I'm just pushing forward as best I can.