This hasn't happened since my panic attack on the track (hey, that rhymes!). This time, I totally felt it coming, but I couldn't stop it. I started to feel a little weirdness in my ribs on the right side, and before I knew it, I couldn't breathe (or at least that's what it felt like). It's hard to explain the feeling...it's almost like that feeling you get right before you cough, where you can't quite get the air all the way down into the bottom of your lung.
So the next question is, why did this happen? What was I thinking about when it happened? Oh yeah...the 5k. And how I'm nervous about running in public, running outside, running so slowly that the guy in the golf cart will have to haul me to the finish. Stupid, irrational, ridiculous, overblown fears. Excuses waiting to happen.
Today I'm going to be thinking about what I'm really afraid of, and when I run tomorrow, I'm NOT going to hyperventilate again. DO YOU HEAR ME, LUNGS? DO YOU HEAR ME, BRAIN? Y'all are going to cut the shit, and we're going to do this.
Back when I used to run, a million years ago, what I feared was pain. I still fear the pain, and I haven't run ... well in a good long while.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you will do it. You can do it. Every runner faces fear and doubt. You are strong enough to over come it.
May I suggest trying a short run outside one morning? Even 5 or 10 minutes? I know it's probably pretty chilly at 3 am, but there won't be lots of people around, so it might help quell the fear an itty bit. Keep hanging in there - you can do it!
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